it's Nita.

(Audio and Text)

For many reasons, some of which I have yet to articulate completely, I have seldom been able to celebrate accomplishments to the extent to which they are warranted. And perhaps that is too absolute of a statement, given the each individual celebrates differently, but nonetheless, I seldom go big on achievement-related celebrations.

Honestly, it is more than just a lack of wanting to party. I often feel strangely sad over some of my major accomplishments. It’s a bit of a conundrum. I’ve pondered my state of unhappiness on various occasions and I still have yet to discover the source of my melancholy. I have the sense I am not alone…

I feel a number of people are in a similar predicament. Inwardly wilting when it should be a time of flourishing. Yet, this is not something to broadcast to other people. Personally, I find that among the various hues of my colorful journey that the dark overtakes the light. I can get bogged down in the emotional depression and miss the greater good. I often don’t speak on this complicated dynamic because I am concerned I may be perceived as ungrateful or entitled in some way. But hey, this is life and I’m telling it like it is! I’m neither ungrateful nor feel entitled when I don’t want to celebrate as I am expected to… I simply celebrate in a different way from other people. Moreover, sometimes I just need to decompress.

It’s ok for me (and you my dear reader) to articulate the various emotions that come along with big wins. Your journey may end in a period instead of an exclamation point but it’s still beautiful.

For my down-heartened reader, don’t become stuck in or on the dark. It may sound trite at this very moment but it’ll all work together. If you tried to extract the dark from the light, it wouldn’t paint the picture the same way. You need the shadows to add depth. You need the dark to accentuate the light. You must have every facet.

I have to remind myself of this often. Not just related to my academic achievements but life as a whole. I reflect on this delicate balance between the light and dark moments with admiration. Even in the worst of times, I am an overcomer! I’ve been victorious! I am still here! I was bent but not broken, cast down but not destroyed. Tried and tested but I came out better and stronger. Maybe not immediately but overtime I’ve grown in resilience and wisdom to understand that this too shall pass.

Thus, I am making the commitment to press on. I want my eyes to always be open to the full picture. I don’t want to get dragged down in the details and discouraged by every low moment. I will press on with determination and hope. For there are many temporal goals in this lifetime and there is the goal eternal. The plans God has for my life far outweigh the present troubles. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I will live from a place of assurance. I will move forward with discernment and clarity of vision. I will not only survive, I will thrive in this life.

As for you my dear reader, keep going. Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith. You may not feel it right now but weeping endures for a night; joy comes in the morning. You’re gonna make it. ❤️

The darkness is pressing but I’m not afraid; the Father is near to me, I hide in His glade. I move sure-footed at His pace. Each step is a testament to my faith. I once walked in darkness but now I see. The light of His glory shines before me. He crowns me with brilliance; he lights the way. Centered under His majesty is where I’ll stay. I follow the glow that pierces the night. Jesus, The Way, The Truth and The Life.

Love Always,

it’s Nita.