I wrote this piece some years back as a way of making sense of that which does not always make sense–faith.
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I dare not say I’ve arrived.
No, I dare not say I’ve reached the level of conscious to which my mind has awakened to the peculiarities of this world.
No, I dare not say I’ve unraveled the mysteries that lie beneath the waves or that drift in dunes or that lurk in the never-ending space.
No, I dare not say I’ve arrived at this level of knowledge for I am in favor of those things unseen. The miraculous wonders that occur at a level not privy to mine eye, those things outside of space and time. The kind of changes in arrhythmias that makes me think, “Lord, are you real?”
…there’s a beauty in that. Those subtle waves pulsing, rising, falling and then a jolt of revelation. A calm clarity that follows and reassurance in my otherwise mirky and incomplete understanding.
I hear the answer to my heart’s question–Yes. It’s a leap of faith. It’s free-falling into knowing and be known. The Lord of the universe is mindful of me.
Yes, I dare to believe in God. The inexplicable, unimaginable, indescribable and yet so near, close and personal.
Yes, I dare to have faith in those unseen things.
God of heaven, Lord of everything. I dare not say I’ve arrived but Lord I dare to believe.
And that’s enough…faith, the size of a mustard seed.
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"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13
" 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' " Jeremiah 33:3
At this point, you are probably familiar or have heard about the 5 Love Languages. If you not, I’d definitely encourage you to read up and take the quiz! This has helped me tremendously to understand how I give and prefer to receive love from others. Also, since developing these profiles Gary Chapman has released a variety of resources including love languages for children, how God speaks your love language and much more.
Alrighty, so that’s awesome! Hopefully you take the 5 Love Language Quiz and learn something new about yourself. (Note: I have found my love language changes through the years. Like any personality quiz I like to reevaluate from time-to-time to see where I am at. If you are curious on a timeline, I’d say I do this quiz about once a year or as needed when I feel like I am missing the mark in communicating effectively with my friends and loved ones.)
Ok, let’s continue. Love and Apologies… they are undoubtedly closely linked. We are all imperfect people and at some point we are going to mess up in relationship (whether that be with bosses, friends, family, significant others). Hence, one of my driving motivations for this post.
Did you know there are 5 Apology Languages?
I stumbled upon this about mid-March of last year. In trying to learn about myself and building/maintaining better relationships, I was on a search in learning about forgiveness. Learning to forgive and be forgiven has definitely been a journey and the 5 Apology Language Quiz has helped me tremendously! I actually took it again today because I felt I needed to check-in with myself. ☺️
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Welp, that’s it for this post. I hope the results of your quizzes (if you decide to take them) are insightful and helpful to your personal growth.
Sometimes you don’t recognize the favor of God until you are on the other side of something you’ve always hoped for… yet still the journey to getting where you want to go is just as important. In that process, you haven’t yet made it to the other side but you are close enough to sense something beautiful is about to happen. In that place, you must learn to wait well.
Wait on your ring ✨
God broke it down to me like this.
I saw a vision. God is directing you to a stadium, section, row, and seat. This is your place and no one else’s. Your blessing comes in obedience to trusting God to get you to this place. God sees you and He’s about to call your number. But you have to be 1) patient, 2) present, 3) prepared, and 4) positioned. The process it takes to go from where you are to you are going is going to take the work of waiting well.
1) Be Patient; in the wait you will learn God’s sovereignty and develop perseverance. For some of you, your ticket isn’t even on sale yet! Don’t go out trying to be a cheaper seat. Wait!
2) Be present; your mind, body, soul, and spirit need to be actively tuning in to hear from God during the wait. Don’t wander off and miss His directives. He’s giving them to you, listen.
3) Prepare yourself! The wait is a rich period to sharpen your gifts and character for the next season. Waiting isn’t doing nothing.
4) Finally, get in position and stay there! Wait for your ring. The call is coming. If you waited well, you will be ready.
I am loved. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am God’s treasured possession. I am more precious than rubies. I am the apple of God’s eyes. I am a woman who deserves to be loved. I am God’s beloved. Nothing can separate me from the love of Jesus.
2)Worthiness
I am not worthless. I am a good woman. I am valuable. I am not less than because others say so. I will not settle for anything less than God’s best.
3) Overcoming Brokenness
God rejoices over me with singing. My heart will not remain broken. I am healed. My heart is safe with the Lord.
4) Relational Status
I am a good thing. I am a woman of valor. My success in life is not defined by having a man or not. God is perfecting me in this season. Old relationships will not distract me or cause me to lose hope for the future. I have not missed God’s best. God’s best for me is yet to come.
5) Fatherlessness
I am on God’s mind, He is not an absent father. The Lord is with me. God has not forgotten me.
6) Purpose
I was built and created for a purpose in this world. I am not useless. I am needed. I am necessary. All negative words are cancelled over my life. My life is redeemed from darkness. My purpose has not been trampled.
7)Strength
I will not remain a victim to cruel words, violent acts or trickery. I am strong and courageous. I have strength beyond my wildest dreams. God’s grace is sufficient for me. Where I am weak, He is strong.
8)Overcoming Fear
I have no fear of the future. The Lord is with me. God will never leave me nor forsake me. My dreams won’t be hindered by the spirit of fear. God has given me a spirit of power, love and a sound mind. My heart is glad and my joy is complete. I am secure in the Lord.
9) Freedomfrom Sin
God is on my side. I am victorious in Christ Jesus. I am not a slave to sin or curses that try to stop my destiny. Jesus broke all curses at Calvary. The blood of Jesus purifies me from sin and cleanses me from all unrighteousness.
10) Forgiveness of Self
I am worthy of forgiveness. God is not holding my past against me. When I asked for forgiveness, I was forgiven. I receive God’s forgiveness and I forgive myself. My mind is renewed to the hope of my future.
11)Forgiveness of Others
I release others from any punishment I thought they should have. I release them from all judgement. I forgive my persecutors. I forgive those that will never give me an apology.
12) Overcoming Anger & Bitterness
I am overflowing with love. All bitterness is dried up and removed from my life. All anger has been soothed. I am walking in freedom. I owe man nothing but to love them.
13) Renewal
I lift my face and raise my hands in surrender. Jesus has redeemed my life. In Christ I am a new creation. Old things have passed away and new things have come. I have a clean heart and a renewed spirit within me. My mind is restored. I am at peace.
14) Hope
It is a new day! God you are with me. My faith is revived. Prosperity and provision are still within my reach. It is not too late to pursue my purpose because God has redeemed the time.
15) Courage
I will no longer hide in the shadows. My light will shine before all people. The Lord’s glory shines through me because He has called me to be the light of the world. I am not down and out. My light will not be snuffed out.
16) Discernment
The wisdom and strength of God are on my side. The Holy Spirit is my guide. The spirit of deception will no longer trick me. My direction is sure. My eyes are open to the truth. I have discernment. I will no longer walk in circles or be lost in confusion.
17) Hearing God’s Voice
I hear the voice of the Lord clearly. God is speaking into my present about my future. I am anointed of God. My steps are ordered by the Lord. I have clear insight into my future. I follow the Lord and I will not be led astray.
18) Character in Christ
I speak truth in love to those placed in my life. I am kind and gentle in spirit. I overflow with the fruit of the Spirit. My gifts are making room for me. I am blessed as a daughter of the Most High God.
19) Breaking Old Ties
Old ties, dead emotions and toxic fantasies have no influence to keep me in bondage. I am free from all unhealthy thoughts.
20) His Lordship
I confirm my heart’s confession that Jesus is Lord. All idols are torn down from my life. He is seated on the throne of my heart. God, you are wonderful. You are mighty. You are loving. You are good. Thank you for creating me. I believe these affirmations and I know they will bring forth good fruit in my life. My heart and mind are open to all that you have for me.
For many reasons, some of which I have yet to articulate completely, I have seldom been able to celebrate accomplishments to the extent to which they are warranted. And perhaps that is too absolute of a statement, given the each individual celebrates differently, but nonetheless, I seldom go big on achievement-related celebrations.
Honestly, it is more than just a lack of wanting to party. I often feel strangely sad over some of my major accomplishments. It’s a bit of a conundrum. I’ve pondered my state of unhappiness on various occasions and I still have yet to discover the source of my melancholy. I have the sense I am not alone…
I feel a number of people are in a similar predicament. Inwardly wilting when it should be a time of flourishing. Yet, this is not something to broadcast to other people. Personally, I find that among the various hues of my colorful journey that the dark overtakes the light. I can get bogged down in the emotional depression and miss the greater good. I often don’t speak on this complicated dynamic because I am concerned I may be perceived as ungrateful or entitled in some way. But hey, this is life and I’m telling it like it is! I’m neither ungrateful nor feel entitled when I don’t want to celebrate as I am expected to… I simply celebrate in a different way from other people. Moreover, sometimes I just need to decompress.
It’s ok for me (and you my dear reader) to articulate the various emotions that come along with big wins. Your journey may end in a period instead of an exclamation point but it’s still beautiful.
For my down-heartened reader, don’t become stuck in or on the dark. It may sound trite at this very moment but it’ll all work together. If you tried to extract the dark from the light, it wouldn’t paint the picture the same way. You need the shadows to add depth. You need the dark to accentuate the light. You must have every facet.
I have to remind myself of this often. Not just related to my academic achievements but life as a whole. I reflect on this delicate balance between the light and dark moments with admiration. Even in the worst of times, I am an overcomer! I’ve been victorious! I am still here! I was bent but not broken, cast down but not destroyed. Tried and tested but I came out better and stronger. Maybe not immediately but overtime I’ve grown in resilience and wisdom to understand that this too shall pass.
Thus, I am making the commitment to press on. I want my eyes to always be open to the full picture. I don’t want to get dragged down in the details and discouraged by every low moment. I will press on with determination and hope. For there are many temporal goals in this lifetime and there is the goal eternal. The plans God has for my life far outweigh the present troubles. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I will live from a place of assurance. I will move forward with discernment and clarity of vision. I will not only survive, I will thrive in this life.
As for you my dear reader, keep going. Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith. You may not feel it right now but weeping endures for a night; joy comes in the morning. You’re gonna make it. ❤️
The darkness is pressing but I’m not afraid; the Father is near to me, I hide in His glade. I move sure-footed at His pace. Each step is a testament to my faith. I once walked in darkness but now I see. The light of His glory shines before me. He crowns me with brilliance; he lights the way. Centered under His majesty is where I’ll stay. I follow the glow that pierces the night. Jesus, The Way, The Truth and The Life.
I’d like to introduce you to a friend of mine–Donna Hull. She totally doesn’t know I am doing this, but I wanted to use my post this week to share the work of a fellow creative. She may not know this, but she is one of the reasons I was inspired to blog and more specifically record my blogs on audio. 😆
Lesson: You never know who you are influencing just by being you.
Alrighty, now that I am past that little gush and teachable moment… take a listen to her work and check out my interview from June 6, 2018. I’m glad to say it still holds true to my thoughts and beliefs as a person. It’s a goodie. 😉
I am not going to give you false hope or profess that the desires of you heart will suddenly come upon you simply because you happened upon this post today. BUT I will give you hope from the word of God which produces life and goodness for all those who eat from it. This hope is built on the promises of God which are yes and amen in Christ Jesus (1 Corinthians 1:20). This hope will produce supernatural peace which will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7). This hope will not put you to shame (Romans 10:11).
Those that seek the Lord lack no good thing
(Psalm 34:10b)
Confess the Word of God over your life. You can absolutely expect it to do what it was send forth to accomplish (Isaiah 55:11). Labor on and keep your head up dears ones; the vision is but for an appointed time. It may tarry but it will come (Habakkuk 2:2-3). Don’t let your heart get weary in well-doing (Galatians 6:9). You are not alone. Look to the hills for which comes you help, your help comes from the Lord (Psalm 121). God is on your side (Psalm 118:6); his faithfulness will be your strength and shield (Psalm 91). Do not be discouraged by what you cannot see (2 Corinthians 5:7). Dwell in your land and cultivate faithfulness (Psalm 37:3). Flourish in the Lord (Jeremiah 17:7-8).
You will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living
(Psalm 27:13)
It’s not too late. Start today. Move towards God today. Step in faith today. God does not promise and not fulfill (Numbers 23:19; Hebrews 10:23). He always does exceedingly, abundantly above what we can ask, think or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
Behind the writing veil (P.S.): Just want to let you know that the blessing is in obedience. Don’t fear what the new journey holds. Launch into the deep.❤️
I can’t speak for the experiences of all persons of color, but I can speak for myself. I did not grow up with a strong Black identity. Among my many social identities, my Blackness simply was not the center on which I viewed myself. In psychology, social identities (defined as a person’s sense of who they are based on their group membership(s) (Tajfel, 1979) ) give individuals a sense of belonging in our world. I am sharing this piece of information about myself to give you some insight in regard to “us” versus “them” as theorized by Social Identity Theory.
“Us” versus “Them” is the making of outsiders. One aspect of this theory, in relation to how people engage with one another, is the tendency to exaggerate differences between groups and at the same time exaggerate similarities within groups. This is how the “us” versus “them” dichotomy arises. For example, let’s say you belong to Group A and someone else belongs to Group B. Social Identity Theory states that as a member of Group A you will tend to seek out negative or opposing aspects of group B so you as a Group A member you can boost your self-esteem and feel positive emotions for your social group. The same process happens in Group B. Thus, arises the line in the sand. You’re making yourself an insider and the other person an outsider.
This is a simple example, but in reality you have many social identities: political, religious, gender, social class, sports, clubs, hobbies, nationality, language, job title, the list goes on and on. As people, we are constantly grouping and categorizing ourselves to make sense of our world. The extent to which you make outsiders and enemies of people who are different from “us” is the extent to which you will live in discord and segregation. In the area of sports, this can be all fun and games (assuming you just see it just as a game 🤪) but elsewhere this “us” versus “them” mentality can have terrible consequences. It can lead to prejudice, discrimination, racism and violence against others. Moreover, this “othering” behavior can grow into stubborn ideologies that are passed down from generation to generation. It endless; there’s no rest.
But there’s hope! There is a way to make peace with yourself and others. Let’s go back to my personal example. I started the beginning of this blog stating my Blackness was not the center of my self-image. As one of my many social identities…that is ok. My Black is my Black. Plain and simple. I am part of a diverse community of other Black people with various interests. Some of those interests overlap with other racial groups.
If I get stuck in the cycle of trying to be a fictionalized version of myself based on what society says or if I am constantly comparing myself to others, I will undoubtedly struggle. As much as we as people would like to draw the line in the sand and make nice neat group of ourselves, it is simply impossible. Social groupings are always subject to change. What is in and out of our group today can change tomorrow. Moreover, we change as we grow as individuals. We pick up and put down many labels over our lifetimes. So what is to be made of all this? How can you live at peace with yourself and others? Answer: Think Kingdom.
The identity that I am most concerned about, the identity from which I live and move and have my being originates from Christ Jesus. That is the center on which my life turns. I have tried many labels and put myself into many boxes and joined many groups trying to belong. However, nothing has compared to the joy and freedom I have found as I explore who I am in Christ. And before you think I just threw my Blackness out the window. No, I didn’t. Part of growing in Christ is getting to know myself as a complete person. Among the many areas of growth, I have to come to love and embrace exploring my Blackness not as the culture dictates but as God declares over my life. 🙌🏾
I am Anita Deanna Patrick. The Lord knit me together in my mother’s womb. All the days of my life were numbered before there was even one. I have been handcrafted with a purpose. My Blackness expresses a piece of the glory of God in its full beauty. I am a human. I am part of the magnificent color spectrum that is the human race. I am God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared for me to do in advance. I rejoice because I am fearfully and wonderfully made as a Black woman. Marvelous is the Lord’s work and I know that full well.
🥰
In close, I want to share a poem. Some of you may have read this before and for others it will be entirely new. Here is my ode to blackness.
An Ode to Blackness
My black is accentuated by the crinkle of my curls My black is beautiful, a brilliant brown pearl My black is cultivated over generations of genocide; my black is this truth, I shall not hide My black is dynamic, daring and free My black is emboldened by those that came before me My black is forever stamped in the soil of this land; my black is craved in cracks of the palm of my hand My black is giving room for growth and being patient My black is healing, it brings restoration My black is ingested by your senses as soon as we meet My black is joy overflowing, replete My black is knowing I was kneaded with knowledge and made to be kept My black is leaning on Love, I’m far from perfect My black is married to elegance and grace; my black is the legacy I leave in this place My black is nothing short of amazing My black is orated in this phrasing My black is peculiar, not subject to man’s acceptance My black is quickened by the unction of His presence My black is raw and real; My black is tough as nails and stronger than steel My black is set on one direction by His compass My black is taking down strongholds and conquering darkness My black is unlike anything this world has ever seen My black is valuable more precious than rubies My black is welded in, yoked in, soaked in excellence My black is exceptional; It echoes from the north, south, east, west My black is years in the making; My black is building up as I’m constantly breaking My black is zealous; my black is zest
My black is more than just melanin; it’s all of this.
Embrace your lovely child of God. ❤️
Love always,
it’s Nita.
References
Tajfel, H., Turner, J. C., Austin, W. G., & Worchel, S. (1979). An integrative theory of intergroup conflict. Organizational identity: A reader, 56-65.
I’ve recently started a full-time salaried position. This is week two and I am already feeling the time crunch. As a student, my time was very flexible. I had hours upon hours of extra time to journal and muse about things I was learning, reading about or just plain interested in. That was a big part of my me time and it was such a sweet time. Given my number one love language is quality time, I felt more endeared to God and more aware of myself when I truly gave Him my undivided attention. It never failed that he would reveal even more of himself to me as the minutes past. 🥰
Yet, things are changing quickly! Who knows what my future holds for me– career, marriage, children–more and more of my time will be given to the tasks and people I care about most. What then of my time with God? How can I continue cultivate that relationship when the seasons of my life start to change? Because it’s not just tasks and people that take up my time, it’s everything else. Let me tell you about it in Jelly Beans (play video).
Now, I am going to put this in hours and minutes. Presuming you lived 78 years, here’s what your whole life would look like if it was all boiled down to 1 day.
Shopping (like grocery shopping): 0.77 hours or 46.2 minutes
Childcare or caring for others: 0.46 hours or 27.7 minutes
Commuting: 0.40 hours or 24 minutes
AND
Other Activities (free time): 2.77 hours
That’s it. Potentially the sum of our lives down to the minute of the average activities we spend doing. That is mind-blowing. There is so little time unaccounted for. Only 11.5% of our lives can be categorized as free time including such things as going to church or religious activities, leisure activities, working out, socializing, service activities, concerts, etc. whatever your would lump in to that leisure time section. That’s it 2.77 hours a day or about 2 hrs and 45minutes.
That may seem like a lot but believe you me that time can quick and really get swallowed up in a Netflix binge or going done the rabbit hole of your social media notifications (guilty 😅 totally done that). In writing this piece I am reminded time is so very precious. Instead of vegging out on tv and lazying about, I can be more intentional. I can be more intentional to soak in the quality time with loved ones, make room for my hobbies, and cut out things that are draining my time. It really is possible to live a full life but there are definitely areas where I have to be more personally accountable. I have to use my time wisely.
And, at the end of my life, I want to be like David. It was said of David that when he fulfilled his purpose for his generation, he fell asleep (Acts 13:36). What a glorious thing. To spend one’s life pursuing your purpose and completing it. 😌
Hmm, so how will you use your time? Life is such a wonderful opportunity. Let’s make the most of it.
P.S. If you don’t know your purpose, seek the Lord; he knows. He’s got plans for you and delights to lead his children fulfill their purposes.
Behind the writing veil: Just a little practical wisdom today. I pray this was insightful. 😊
Challenge: No tv, movies or streaming services for the next 7 days. I want you to come back and comment and tell me about your experience. What did you do with your time instead? What did it feel like giving up those things? What did you find yourself thinking about or reflecting on? I know that sounds like a lot and can be kinda tough, but I know you can do it!
I had several thoughts of what I might say today in my blog. However, to be honest I am mentally and emotionally at a loss for my usual glibness with when it comes to wordplay and fashioning together a visual story. Therefore, this week I offer up a short prayer in the form of prose.
Dear Lord,
For many days I have been trying to formulate my feelings. I have been trying to quench down my thoughts to a level of understanding of my own mind and yet they escape me. God what do I do? Do I protest? Do I march? Do I petition and cry out to the principalities and powers and rulers of this earth? God you know what I am talking about. I need your help because Racism is tearing this world apart. Father what say you? What say you to injustice, murder and perpetual hurts? Father the list or wrongs goes on and on and I see no end. God what is your strategy? How am I to treat my fellow man? (God: Love) Love, yes, love but Lord look at the world, she’s burning. A burning of hearts and a burning of buildings. God we are hurting. How can I love a world like this? God take away this anger and sooth my soul. Lord give me wisdom, open my heart and give me eyes to see. God I don’t want to miss what you are telling me but Lord I am weary. God my heart is heavy; I’m tired.
Behind the writing veil: Time and time again this song has ministered to my weariness. When I am overwhelmed I have sought many ways of escape, but nothing by far beats when I go to Jesus. Like the prayer above I go in plain language and plain speak. Then I wait for the Lord to speak back to me.
Psalm 91:4
“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”
it's Nita. 